This time its Thyme time!

Insignificant divinity

2007-02-13T19:32:00.000-08:00

I am anxious… I know… not exactly news…
Do you know that the line between an extreme state of panic and complete serenity can be measured by the distance between your two nostrils? And the time it takes for both to join into a new state, the state which defines me, is the time it takes for the smoke exhaled from your two nostrils to become one stream of vapor that happens to not be very good for you?
While the relevance of your nose in the subject matter may, or may not, reveal itself at a later stage, what I am really talking about here is a realistic conception that is starting to take over my consciousness combined with the lack-there-of; I have become the personification of eternal life shoulder down inside a grave, the extreme doubled with couch vegetables, and the world fights all it’s wars within my head just as it takes care of it’s precious petunias.
My fingers have gone mute, but still you happen to be reading their labor, and like that, I will keep everything I tell you secret, a secret that I share with the whole world but you, just as I refrain from addressing anyone in the whole world except you.
If you are my forbidden fruit, then I intend to stay in heaven, yet heaven is a place where no one tells me what to do or what not to do.
I am anxious, that is the spring of my creation, the world needs not to understand, and my only job is to explain. You get to watch, you get to move, you get to lead and you get to sell your soul, I may not be the devil, but I sure have the cash!

Full

2006-04-20T21:14:00.000-07:00

Take me far…
Out beyond the reach of rays and suns, to velvet colored night out by the factory in which they brew the wind, allow the rest of me to wait behind for all that is left behind, and sing with me the song to which our moon will rise, carried by the dreams of virgins and warriors, by the madness of poppies in the early spring, that madness that summons eternity in a day, and rides, Valliant and fearless, as was said, to rescue me…
The fences of sobriety are hanging by a thread, a hair, and the wind is cold and strong, yet warmth shines from within, why can't a beggar drag the whole world and be let in? there is no sense in waiting, my thoughts have long since departed to their final resting place, a window for the room, a view to watch the view, and you lay there, carried by the dreams of virgins and warriors, by the madness of poppies in the early spring, that madness that summons eternity in a day, and rides, Valliant and fearless, as was said, to rescue me…

Let the shrew go tame herself!

2006-04-15T20:18:00.000-07:00

I dragged myself through the mire today, but at the end I got to the other side. I was reminded of the cruelty humans are capable of and the patience today, and at the end of the day, I am proud of myself for being able to remain myself.
Reasons are thrown in our path and signs of many colors with directions and instructions which we chose to follow or discard, at the end of the day we can not but accept that our motion has carried us to the place where we ended up whether we wanted to end up there or not. If we chose not to accept this we sleep with a heavy heart, and I don’t like sleeping with a heavy heart.
I had a big struggle in my head today between choice and the modern social epidemic that can be referred to as the illusion of choice, I told myself that I am a victim of a life more complicated because I have been driven to believe that I have numerous choices that are designed to keep me too busy from actually considering my real choices.
While I am perfectly aware of the existence of this epidemic, I need to stop bullshiting myself into believing that I am a victim of it; I know who I am, I know what I want and I don’t like neither McDonalds nor Burger King, in other words this crap don’t fly with me, what is happening is that sometimes I don’t get what I want, and it needs to be ok for me not to get what I want… hell! Maybe what I want is probably not good for me anyway!
Patience is always the key for deliverance and no battle is lost if one lives to fight another day, I realize that I’m throwing clichés around today, but the thing with over used phrases of wisdom is that they become over used because they are true, it is only in our rebellious childhood that we discard them as empty words, so, if you still discard such phrases you hear everyday as empty words there’s a good chance that you are still a child with little experience and less wisdom and my advice to you is another couple of cliché: get over yourself and wake up and smell the roses!
The most aggressive teacher is experience, another more subtle teacher is observation. While the majority of people learn the ways of life through experience (trial and error) only a few are capable of learning through observation because one can never learn from observing other people if one cant refrain from judgment, and humans are judgmental fuckers by nature, but imagine how much you can learn if you learn from both your mistakes and other people’s mistakes at the same time?
At the end of this rambling session I would like to add this: if you are not enjoying it then:
1- You shouldn’t be doing it.
2- No matter what you think, you always have the choice not to do it.
3- Life is not complicated; it’s you who’s the idiot!

A divine fistful!

2006-04-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

"Oriental Poppies" by Georgia O'Keefe

For a moment, I was a child again, the surface of the water was clear yet reflected the picture of a boy I’d known a thousand years ago, and as if I hadn’t stood witness to the stepping on lonely flowers by the charging herds, I was a child again.
I’d fallen victim to sweet reflection again; I walked blind folded at the edge of the abyss, I ceased to believe a pin prick can hurt, I ceased to believe a flame would sear my smooth untarnished skin, I smiled to the passers by and would’ve followed the piper to his avail, I was diminished beneath that which is insignificant, yet the world was at my command!
For a moment I was a child again, a child whom I thought had been driven to the beckoning white light, his joy stormed through my senses like a volcano of rose petals and chocolate seashells, his anguish exploded through my bones like a million ants carrying an atomic bomb, for a moment I abandoned the middle and floated simultaneously through both extremes, and in that moment I prayed for a million years not to be freed.
I - the man - live to harvest the measured matter and time that music and love leave behind. I – the child – live in music and love, where time never matters and matter is as irrelevant as time. Will you allow me not to have grown for only a moment a day?

Silhouette

2006-04-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

The satisfaction generated from dedicating one’s life for the pursuit of beauty in everything around could be ultimate, yet it may sometimes prove arduous hard work when one decides to inflict a certain view of beauty onto things rather than searching for a perspective from which to discover the beauty inherent in the subject, we are not here to create, we are here to observe and reflect.
The humility generated from dedicating one’s life for the pursuit of beauty in everything around could be ultimate as well; I laugh at the weaknesses and fragility that define me, my fears of my own limited perception - which ultimately translate into my inevitable mortality – are walls that surround my ability at maintaining a sense of ultimate satisfaction. And at times when I find a perspective of immaculate beauty, I recoil from allowing myself from enjoying it to the fullest, because in its’ existence I prove that I have reached my destination, so I simply say “hmmm” and I record the incident in my ledger and move for other pursuits. I wish I had the strength to fall onto my knees in front of one of the wonders of what life is and pray, just for one lifetime.
One of the happiest tunes that were ever written is What A Wonderful World known around the world by Louis Armstrong, this song makes me feel that the world is about to end because it has somehow reached a peak and it can not go any further.
I am so human it’s sick, well, it’s also pitifully wonderful because I am blessed with the ability to forget; and I guess I can’t complain much since I’m still waking up the next morning and the day before looses its’ ability to prove that it really did exist as overwhelmingly as it did when it did exist, and by choice, I am able to keep the memory of beauty, while my shortcomings become irrelevant as they find other more timely reasons to manifest themselves through!
This struggle is who I am I guess, it’s good to have an idea of who I am, but hey! It beats being afraid without having any fun!

The choice of Italian or Chinese for dinner!

2006-04-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

It’s not new to me for people to tell me that I’m living my life irresponsibly, that my choices of work and living are extremely unstable and that I would not survive for long swimming against the social current, I don’t usually give those people the time of day, especially when I know them and know that although they are preaching their vision of a content and stable life they themselves are irrevocably miserable.
Things were slightly different today though; I had decided a couple of weeks ago that I would conduct an experiment in which I would allow myself to tolerate people more even when they are throwing their usual clichés at me, I have decided that I should always question my belief in my direction because if I didn’t I would end up making my choices blindly, nothing is definite in this life and a constant check up on my ideological state is a healthy thing, so I sat through a lecture from a certain someone who assured me that I am living in a dream world and that my choice to work in performing music in this part of the world is a sure way to become a social outcast and end up broke, alone and miserable.
I would be stupid to assume that our society is tolerant of people like me who chose what is considered a highly alternative way of life, music is not an extremely respectable field to work in and the local market for many reasons is simply too small to generate enough stable income to support someone who chooses to live my life style. All this considered, I need to go through this person’s conclusions of how my life would end up if I kept doing what I am doing now.
Will I become a social outcast? By a social outcast what was meant is simple: no one would allow their daughter to marry me! Here’s a question: me being who I am, do I want to marry someone who would resign her desire to be with me to the short sightedness and groundless beliefs of someone else especially if she gets to really know me?
Will I end up broke? It’s a possibility, yet I am a capable and young man, determined and working very hard, I don’t have inhibitions and always consider all my choices and know how to invest my talent in different directions, money has not proven a serious issue yet in my life and I’m content with what I have. So I believe that I have as much a chance to be financially sound as the next person even if I don’t come from a rich family.
Will I be alone? Loneliness? I am very used to loneliness no matter how many people surround me, it has always been the way and I really doubt it would change if became a lawyer or a journalist.
Will I end up miserable? I have made a choice to make a living doing what I enjoy most in my life, I wake up everyday with a renewed sense of motivation and excitement and go to work like a child goes to an amusement park! How many people can claim to be the same?
The truth is, I don’t really believe that I am swimming against the current, what I do makes so much sense to me that I almost firmly believe that it is almost everyone else who is swimming against the current and I am one of the few people who have lives that make sense to them!
I may be taking a risk, a big one at that, but hey! It is said that most men live their lives in silent desperation, I honestly don’t! I am truly content in most areas of my life especially those areas connected to what I do and who I am, so isn’t that an indication that I’m choosing the right path for myself? Why on earth should I seek my happiness and success through means that have proved to be disastrous failures so many times in front of my eyes?!

Here, now...

2006-04-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

On the streets there are a million tales that we forget; showers of the moonless past evaporate before they touch the skin, they delve in their darkness for us not to see then flow backwards to an empty sea, as if they never were.
On the streets, not all silence is silent; listen, you’ll hear the wailing if no one is there, and the white glowing laughter from upturned treasures buried under the sidewalks, and when all is silent, I dare you to listen to your own silence, and hear it, I dare you not to scream.
On the streets, walking is irrelevant when movement is better felt through standing still, running means there is no where to go and when the journeys near their end, like pollen or a beckoning smile, that’s when they start all over again…

On the streets you’ll never know who I am till I swear never to tell you my inner most secret, yet you stay around to hear it knowing that you’ll never hear it, that’s when you’ll know who I am. Can you stay and listen for a word that will never come?

Whirling

2006-04-02T15:39:00.000-07:00

-Whirling-

20 minutes into Omar’s whirling….

The Voice (playfully): Oh… it’s you again…
Omar (livid): You know this attitude isn’t exactly helpful; we have things to talk about!
The Voice: Excuse me?! Reality check!
Omar: I know exactly who you are; I know exactly what I am saying.
The Voice: Mmm… and all this time I thought I was the one who knew things.
Omar: Im starting to doubt that!
The Voice: I am so good at what I do! My handiwork is never short of phenomenal! You see, I love it when you fuck up like this; we sit here through your lies knowing that you wouldn’t even be here if you believed what you just said to be true! I love it! I’m so good!
Omar: We? Who’s we? You mean me and you?
The Voice: Actually I meant you and I…
Omar: I don’t believe you’re having fun with this! You know what you’ve done! You’re a tyrant, you are unjust, unfair.
The Voice: You revolve around yourself for a living!
Omar: I thought I was talking to you, I thought that is what I lived for!
The Voice: you do, and you think that you did.
Omar: Oh so now you’re doubting me!
The Voice: Ah…you’ve always been doubtful, only now I think you’re the one doubting me.
Omar: You better believe I am! And for good reason!
The Voice: Ya don’t say!
Omar: I….I…I gave you my whole life!
The Voice: and now you think that was yours to give?! And what do you want, a thank you note?!
Omar: Fuck you!
The Voice: I am patience, I am tolerance.
Omar: You are a tyrant! A cruel killer!
The Voice: yes… I am that too…
Omar: So you confess!
The Voice: I am who I am…
Omar: I never sought anything but love, never gave anything but love!
The Voice: yes, yes…I am that too…
Omar: I demand retribution!
The Voice: Amongst countless other skills, I am also capable of boredom…
Omar: She was only 12, 12 years old!
The Voice: When did this become about her?
Omar: What? Who else? FUCK! You know that you know!
The Voice: I also know that I know that you don’t know…
Omar: No! You don’t get to be condescending this time!
The Voice: see… it’s not about her, it’s about you...
Omar: ME? It’s about me?! The food that I eat is for you! I sleep for you and I wake for you! I love no one like I love you! You are merciless in your greed! I gave up all the world and you gave her away from me!
The Voice: I took her away you meant.
Omar: You GAVE her away! She’s been taken from me, even if you took her, you are not the one I loved, you gave her away to your malice while I only looked at your splendor.
The Voice: and now you are here to fight for her?!
Omar: I demand justice…for her!
The Voice: don’t you think she’s a bit out of your league by now?
Omar: she’s mine! She was only 12…she’s gone…
The Voice: hence…
Omar: stop toying with me! You know what! This life! I didn’t even choose it!
The Voice: mmm…yes and no…
Omar: I was brought up to be this way! I didn’t choose to believe! Maybe you’re just a figment of my imagination!
The Voice: yes…I am that…
Omar: so you’re not so almighty after all!
The Voice: Actually, I am that too…
Omar: why did you take her? How could you?!
The Voice: I do what I do…
Omar: you are the smallest I have ever seen you!
The Voice: oh…that’s due to the distance, objects tend to seem smaller the further you are from them…
Omar: I am stronger than I’ve ever been!
The Voice (bored): fascinating…
Omar: you’re just a figment of my imagination, I can cancel your existence!
The Voice: maybe I’ll have a nap this afternoon…
Omar: You cause me all this pain, you take away my loved ones, and you don’t even give a shit!
The Voice: Aha! So it’s about your pain after all!
Omar: she is all I had!
The Voice: you called her Faith…
Omar: Faith was all I had…
The Voice: You see, even personified as a figment of your imagination, a voice that you think you hear, I do not pity you…
Omar: Why are you being so cruel?!
The Voice: I have bigger fish to fry…
Omar: What about me? What should I do now?!
The voice: you created me! You tell me!
Omar: I thought you were the one who created me and everything!
The Voice: it’s a give and take situation…
Omar: should I cry?
The Voice: I am your tears.
Omar: when will this end?
The Voice: When my grapes are ripe they scream with sweetness.
Omar: I will hurt for eternity…
The Voice: don’t flatter yourself…
Omar: will I ever know?
The Voice: hey… you can always keep asking…
Omar: and her beautiful face?
The Voice: I am her beautiful face.
Omar: I want to always see it.
The Voice: depends on how much work you can put into that…
Omar: I want to always see it.
The Voice: I know.
Omar: I am tired, I am so weak…
The Voice: I’ve never seen you stronger.

- Omar staggers and falls, his white garment around him as he kneels and cries openly…

* This is a little scene I wrote for a play reading circle I used to go to a couple of months back, I thought I would share it since it doesn't seem that much else will be done with it anytime soon... Enjoy!

What doesn't kill you!

2006-03-31T18:23:00.000-08:00

The view from stage did NOT look like this!

My band had a profound experience tonight, for the first time since we started playing together about a year and a half ago we played a show that sucked!
As part of the "prestigious" annual Amman Theatre Festival, we were featured as the only musical act this year, we were given the main theatre and a time slot that is considered the "headlining" act of the day, what they somehow managed to forget though, was that a musical act requires an adequate sound system and a sound technician who knows slightly more about mixers than that if you push the level fader up the instrument becomes louder!
I’m not going to get into the details of what we had to do to get any kind of even remotely acceptable sound, all I’m going to say is that the mixer was placed in a booth above the theatre, the most interesting thing about this booth is that when you are in it you hear the instruments as if you are in another building, and since the sound man had absolutely no idea how to do anything I had to set up the sound, which meant that I had to listen to the instruments, then run up to the booth to make the desired adjustment to each instrument on its own, then come back down to make sure I made the right adjustments, which usually doesn’t work till you do it at least 4 to 5 times for each source of sound on stage, we had 12 sources of sound on stage including several microphones for the drums and percussion, end of story, by the time we agreed that what we had was probably the best we can possibly get out of the garbage equopment that we had I was so physically, emotionally and morally worn out that I needed a week of rest to recove, but I had to stand on stage and play an hour and a half show knowing that although the band is doing a very good job what the audience is hearing is not close to being as good!
Knowing me though, there’s always a silver lining, I am extremely proud of my band, anyone I know in similar conditions would have played terribly, but the guys proved to me and to themselves today that they are real pros and true musicians… WAY TO GO SIGN OF THYME! :-D

Dear shepherd!

2006-03-30T19:04:00.000-08:00

Today I was reminded of that old story where a shepherd kept calling the villagers to save him from a wolf that he claimed attacked his sheep, and twice they came for his aid but there was no wolf, and when the wolf came for real and he screamed in distress at the top of his voice no one came to his aid because no one really believed there was a problem...
So my dear shepherd, I am sorry that the wolf got your sheep this time, but you always seem to joke around and rarely take things seriously to the point that makes it hard to know when you are actually serious... thats why i wasnt able to know that you really needed my aid...

Reclaiming the disclaimer!

2006-03-28T04:02:00.000-08:00

I truly appreciate the sentiment from Lulwa and Mud on my disclaimer post, I've been thinking about this and the truth is I don't think what I wrote was an apology!
It is true that I am entitled to my opinion, I wouldn't write it down if I didn't believe that, yet I believe its very wise for everyone to be able to question their own beliefs on regular basis no matter how strongly they believe in them, the only thing worse than not have something to believe in is believing in anything blindly, I need to give myself the space to retract if one day I decide that I have made a mistake, I am definitely capable of mistakes you know!
I am not retracting my disclaimer, because what is written in it is the truth, yet if anyone thinks that its an apology they may need to go back and read it again.... :-)

Did I show you my biceps?!

2006-03-27T18:41:00.000-08:00

I think watching a whole season of Six Feet Under on DVD in three days is not exactly healthy, and I’m not only talking about all the dead people; every character on that show is so dramatically fucked up that even real life feels like a walk in the park in comparison to life in the Fishers’ dimension. I’m not exactly an acting expert or critic, but if someone can get me to dislike them so much in a TV show they must be damn good! I really like this ugly morbid show! And it makes me think…
There are a few questions I have never been able to fully answer since I always find myself in constant disagreement with the common and seemingly obvious views in the matter.
What does it mean to be strong? What is strength? And does the term strong apply when strength is almost always manifested circumstantially?
I am someone who is able to express his feelings openly and freely to a point that may occasionally seem rather impulsive, am I strong because I don’t fear judgment or weak because I can’t suppress what may be inappropriate to express or what may stop me from getting what I want because I act too soon? Even if through experience I know that that would happen.
When and where does self indulgence move from being an empowerment to make bold decisions that feel right to folly that could reach the point of attempted self destruction? Are we given enough space and time for maneuvering between the two? Or is all of it just fear of conformity and being…you know…average…
Is fear of dying a legitimate fear? There are two kinds of people generally, those who fear dying and those who are in denial of it, the latter seem to be the majority and the former are well, also most people! Would anyone be so nice as to underscore the area in the middle of both extremes where one can profoundly enjoy life despite mortality? Are we given enough time and space to realize this area?
Sometimes the cruelty and cynicism inflicted onto a human being’s everyday life seem over whelming, anyone who can deny that they are fucked up in one way or another is probably even more fucked up than usual. Yet if answers to these questions were handed out freely at your neighborhood convenient store would you be able to capitalize on them without creating even more paradoxes and carnally anal complications? Are we truly equipped with the sensitivity that would enable us uproot and absorb the essence of mercy? Are we capable of even beginning to comprehend the concept of justice if it wasn’t relative?
Six feet Under could very well be the reason why I was feeling rather down today, or maybe it’s anxiety over my upcoming show and the usual financial and organizational problems that surround it, maybe it’s the ex girlfriend who’s getting married next Thursday to a guy she doesn’t know and allowing herself into a life she’ll probably hate, or maybe it’s my new friend who doesn’t seem to know her ass from a hole in the wall, or maybe it’s because I’ve been playing pool like Stevie Wonder in the past few days. Whatever the reason, a can always say that if I manage to survive through the night, tomorrow is a new day! And even though I still won’t have answers to these questions tomorrow, by some act of mercy, which I won't understand, it probably won’t really matter anymore!

Reflective disclaimer!

2006-03-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Boog3ee's blog reader:-
Reflecting on my last post and a couple of other thoughts that I had from other places, I would like to say that if by reading my posts you feel like I'm being judgmental, condescending or if I make it sound like I supposedly know how you see things or how you should see things (which I don't) then please feel free to ignore whatever I say or be so candid as to tell me to "fuck off" if so pleases you, I tend to allow my over nourished ego to take over sometimes and lead be to believe that I know more than what I know... part of it is because its fun to write with that attitude!
I'm not changing the posts though... at the end of the day I'm sharing some of my experiences and some of what I learned from them, it may be pompous, but its not entirely bullshit! :-)
Thank you!

The boog3ee code!

2006-03-26T17:07:00.000-08:00

“Life is complicated, life is like a watermelon, life is a journey, life sucks!”, “God is everywhere, god is inside every one of us, god is cruel, god is navy blue!”
Whenever someone starts a sentence with “life is” or “god is” in an attempt to produce an assertive definition of the subject I find myself wallowing in an overwhelming urge to beg Scott to “beam me up” away from the conversation.
Depending on the day, the mood and the circumstances, the little discovery I am about to discuss seems as the luckiest or the unluckiest thing I’ve brought my silly self to find out, anyway though, it seems to have had a profound effect on my life.
Human being’s knowledge is vast, their capabilities are almost immeasurable and their understanding can be overwhelming, I mean believe me! I’ve met some pretty damn intelligent folk in my life so far, yet what is even more colossal than all that is human’s capability of imagination. To describe it humans tend to refer to it as limitless.
I believe that it is fair to say that logic, as we know it and whether from an individual or a common perspective, is of our own creation as humans, we discovered it based on our senses and perception, and due to our circumstances through which we view our surrounding environment in all its’ vastness. This notion leads to another realization: all matter counter to our perception of logic, i.e. what we refer to as illogic, is also a human invention based on human perception, yet mostly created through the vessel of human imagination since all things deemed illogical tend to not exist in our material or rational world, unless of course we discover at some point that these things do in fact exist, in which case they are removed from the illogical category and added to the logical category.
Since all what is logical and/or illogical is either subject to our perception or imagination we could easily say that all things in existence, and many things that do not exist fall under this category too, yet by using the logic theories themselves we find ourselves unable to prove that our imagination is limitless, since even if we can’t perceive of it, we can basically imagine the limits of our own imagination!
If you allow yourself to take this journey you may be able to see many things and understand a lot, in other words you would considerably widen you perception, yet by realizing some kind of an estimation of the shear size of one’s imagination and then coming to the conclusion that all of it remains limited, new concepts start to become slightly clearer, namely that which is beyond imagination and the concept of eternity.
And here we find the ultimate mind fuck; try to put all these things into consideration, and then attempt to finish this sentence: “life is _____”, or “God is ______”. How about another perspective? Can you finish this sentence: “I am _________”?
How about this for a conclusion? Allow yourself to nourish your ego to the point that you feel that everything that you can absorb or imagine is within your grasp, yet never lose sight of the utter insignificance of who and what you are compared to what could and does lay beyond.

P.S. Photo by Uraib Touqan

mmm...mmm...mmm...mmm....

2006-03-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

Today I ran myself into a brick wall after a few days driving a car that I knew had no brakes down a curvy, bumpy and completely unpleasant slope. How? Well that’s what happens when you drive a car that has no brakes down a curvy, bumpy and completely unpleasant slope, why? Because I wanted to see how it feels like.
Ok fine! It’s about a girl, but that’s as much as I’m going to say candidly because this post is not about whining over enter-gender miscommunication or feeling sorry for myself, cause I don’t, honest!
I kinda feel a bit sorry for myself, because myself deserves more than what it’s getting and I’m not in the mood to preach patience to myself tonight, I’m in the mood to question the sanity of the whole world!The whole world is crazy, it makes perfect sense; if the whole world is sane then I’m the one who’s crazy, and we can’t have that now, can we?!
Bare with me, this will start to make sense to you too soon, I promise.
I’ve been taught, and I strongly believe, that a fully grown and mature individual should under all circumstances be responsible for his/her choices and the repercussions of those choices, therefore by knowingly and consciously choosing to drive a car that has no brakes down a curvy, bumpy and completely unpleasant slope I have no quarrel with the rules of physics and the eventuality factor that very predictably guided me into running smack into a brick wall, I am therefore seemingly unchanged, yet two thing seem to be slightly out of place:

1- I am slightly hurt, but I guess that’s part of being human to get hurt in such a situation.

2- I am angry, actually I am quite livid; this is the only factor that seems to be completely wrong!

Why would I be angry if it was my choice to replace a crash test dummy? And who am I angry at? At myself? Or at the car?The answer is none of the above; I am angry at the laws of physics, and after many years of experiences running more cars than I can count into brick walls whether while knowing that these cars had breaks or not I somehow, and until this day, and with each time I get behind a steering wheel, still believe that the car will come into a smooth and silky stop of it’s own accord.
Does this make sense to you? Does it sound sane? For your own sake I hope it does, because if it doesn’t then you’re in for a life time sitting in a parking lot!
P.S. I am not angry any more, will be out car shopping maybe as soon as tomorrow!
Have a good one!

It's an ocean of thick skulls!

2006-03-18T19:14:00.000-08:00

So here is a big fat question, what do we, humans, have to lose?
My grandmother died at the age of 85, this was about 10 years ago, she had pretty much every disease known to man kind, and to top that she somehow managed to fall down at least twice a year and break more and more of her bones which ended up less sturdy than a flake chocolate bar on a hot day. And although she died virtually penniless and miserable, not a day passed when her delusional mind was discovering some scheme that someone is preparing to hurt, maim or kill her.
My grandmother, god rest her soul, was nuts, and probably an extreme example, but with time I am discovering that this feeling of mistrust amongst people is festering much more than I’d ever imagined.
A lesson one learns in life if he/she is lucky: I wake up everyday, I get out of bed and I seek what I want, and I protect what I have, and as time progresses I lose touch, I keep seeking what I want although I don’t really know what it is that I want, and I protect what I have although I don’t absorb the value of what I have, and since I don’t know what I want, chances are I’ll end up having, and cherishing, things that I never really had the desire to acquire, and I end up loving people whom I never even liked! Is there a point to this rambling? Well…it’s a simple fact, the grand finally, and the only truth one is destined to learn whether one stopped to smell the roses or drove over them with one’s brand new SUV, the fact that at the end, one dies.
I am as guilty of wasting my chances as the next person, but I’m trying to learn, and the only thing I’ve learned that is doing me any good is that I need to take more risks, I need to risk trusting my instincts, and I need to risk trusting people, I mean, I’m dying anyway, I don’t have anything to lose, they don’t have anything with me that they can steal.
Hurt is not eternal, and joy is a decision, and beauty is the Mekka that you find everywhere you look and see, so you have to learn to see and not just look, the more you risk the bigger your chance of not getting screwed, and whether the glass is full or empty is also a matter of looking and seeing, and did I mention that who gives a shit about the damn glass? No one will live long enough to fill it or spill it anyway!
I guess my point is: trust yourself to trust people, and get hurt cause it doesn’t really matter, and decide to be happy cause you don’t have time to be anything else, be happy as you should be when you look in the mirror, that’s how you make people happy when they look in your mirror, tell everyone who may care as much as you can of how you feel, and tell the one you love everything about everything about how you feel…

Or just dont listen to me...
boog3ee

And so, he commences his blogging!

2006-03-18T18:36:00.000-08:00

Life became beautiful when I decided it was to be so, and to come to this decision I had to overcome, accept or ignore the following obstacles:
1- I am going to die.
2- God needs to exist for life to be beautiful, he is not everything and never anything you want him to be, your desires, imagination and perspective are categorically irrelevant in the matter, so stop attempting to define him. (I'm only using "him" because it feels tacky to say "him/her")
3- When i close my eyes to sleep, no matter who is in the room and how close they may be, I am completely alone and unable to lie.
4- I can always do what i chose to do, but that doesn’t mean I’ll get what I want to get.
5- The male gender of humans rules the world, they build it, they save it and they maintain it, every last one of them is a pig and no matter how old or glorious any of them becomes they remain insatiable children.
6- The female gender of humans rules the world, they bring it to life, they nurture it and they keep it in order, all women are like great Ferraris driven by tractor drivers with cement shoes.
7- I can't get myself to like eggplants, but i don't have to eat them!

Hey! welcome to my blog!
Boog3ee